Dear young me, I think I miss you more than I thought I could. The youngest part of you that still lives somewhere around here. Your way to see the world, the way you didn’t know the world at all. Sometimes I stop remembering who you wanted to be, your deepest desires, the blanket you used to cover my body against winter. You too wanted to be winter, like the snow falls down and covers every dirty thing on the ground. You wanted to be a pianist, to hear the silence between two notes. And I don’t know what happened, but it’s like I have lost some pieces of the story. Where did that boy go? And where am I know? I wish I could go back in time and meet you just to tell you to be stronger, to take your hand and protect you. Because two of us could have made it better than what is left of you. God how much I need you to help me finding the truth. You were so good in it. I hope you’re fine over there, just tell me when you’re home again, because we have a lot to talk about.
So when love is gone, where do we go?
Landed on Uranus.
I got the ocean in the eyes, and I can’t swim anymore.
The other me.
I wanted to text you, not to know how you are, but to know how living without me feels like. I've never been without me, so I don't know. I would like to know what it feels like not having me worrying about to know if it's okay, not hearing me laugh, not hearing me hum stupid songs, not hearing me talk, not to hear me screaming when I get angry, not having me around to talk with when things are not going right, not having me ready there to do anything to make you feel good. Maybe you're better off, or maybe you're not. But I doubted it and I would also like to know if this doubt has come to you from time to time. Because you know, I sometimes wonder what is like being without you, but I'd rather not answer that it’s fine like this. It’s fine like this.
I’m better alone than lonely, here with you.
I am light. I am cold. I am wind. I am dark. I am lost. I am alive. I am far. I am here. I am there. I am everywhere and nowhere. I am sea. I am waves. I am solitude, but I am free. I look at the mirror and I see so many things. I mean, are you able to love yourself? I don’t know, is it really possible? I am winter, everybody knows. But I am sun. And I want to remember. It’s time to remember who I am.
I want everything and I want nothing, just to be sure to have been something.
Let the devil come in.