Myself, made cuter by @samanthaisasian
Thank you for blessing me with your camera skills and your lovely company. @samanthaisasian by me in tokyo taken on her cam
3 year anniversary. I remember the way she hated babies. Thought they were horrid little things to the point she was terrified she would hate her own daughters’ face at birth. I remember the seaside restaurant lunches—baskets of hush puppies for me and shrimp ‘n grits for her. I remember slipping into Sunday mass at “halftime” because she had heard enough sermons in her lifetime. I remember the shelves of books I looked at with curiosity and without a spark of interest, grammar dictionaries, history novels, pages full of reality. I remember the sticky note with my name on it. A few promised wedding china plates. I remember thinking, “there’s no need for that yet.” I remember boston cream pie and the necessity of wine with grapes before bed. I remember train car bunk beds and silky night gowns packed neatly. I remember delaying visits to sterile halls and foreign rooms where I likely felt one tenth as lost as she did. I don’t remember the end, but I remember a small hospital chapel and a lot of phone calls and 3 years to follow of that same lost feeling.
The morning sunlight makes my eyes water Even through the filter of our window Even through a dirty pillow thrown over my face I feel it’s warmth on my fingertips The same fingertips you lick the avocado off after I’ve made a salad And it’s all too much Stepping out of the apartment door - what I imagine time travel must feel like what it might be like to wake up in another being’s body One paragraph of my book on the bus reminds me that every distraction I fill myself with serves As an anxious replacement for That morning sunlight